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Posts Tagged ‘sad thoughts’

I handled Christmas Eve pretty well I think for it being a anniversary of a miscarriage. We had 16 people over and I didn’t spend one minute that night thinking sad thoughts. I  was blocking out thinking about new year’s eve yesterday until my husband brought it up saying  a friend of ours was wanting to come hangout, but he told him that he wasn’t sure that we may not be very good company that night and explained why…

New Year’s eve 2006 during the day was like any of the other day that month, I woke up to morning sickness and would eat a few crackers before I got up out of bed. I was craving pickles that week, and had my typical joint pain and back pain due to what I did not know at the time was the fibromyalgia and seronegative RA. Husband went to work and came home at 7pm and we went over to my parents house but I was not feeling good so we left and went home before midnight, I think about 11pm. Once home the uneasy feeling got worse and then I found blood. We headed up to the ER 11:45pm, they pulled me back pretty fast 11:52pm, drew blood and urine and took me back for a ultrasound, the US tech kept asking me are you sure you are not having any pain, no I never felt any pain. We had thought I was 6 weeks along due to the HPT did not say positive till 6 weeks prior. We found out I was about 8 or so weeks along and the nurse came in to tell us the baby already has a heart beat but that it will not make it due  to it is ectopic. The surgeon came down to meet me and start me on iv antibiotics then rushed me off for emergency surgery. I remember being rolled into the surgery room feeling so numb and so scared, they rolled me up to the table and I had to move myself to the surgery table. The next thing I remember was waking up feeling a lot of pain in my stomach and my husband telling me that my tube had burst and I was bleeding out but the doctor had fixed me all up and that I still had one tube (till Feb 2008 another ectopic). I remember I didn’t grieve in the hospital and I took myself off the pain meds to get me home as fast as possible. I know I never fully grieved from that loss. This was baby 5 out of 6 that we have lost.

I think I will tell hubby to go a head and invite our friends if anything it will help us to take our minds off it, though if AF does not come by that day we will have to travel to Dallas to go get a ultrasound and blood test to which I am freaking out and will probably cry during. I pray everyone has a very Happy New Years and please be safe! I should be starting my Hormone injections on New Years Day 🙂

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