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Posts Tagged ‘horrible pain’

So it has been a while since I have written, I just haven’t known what to write.  I have to many thoughts and feeling going on inside me that I’m not sure how to get in order and deal with them. I’m so scared that I missed my shot with having a baby.  We keep saying we will try IVF again but road blocks keep popping up.  To many medical issues decided to pop up together, so many that I feel like my love ones think im a hypochondriac, the fact is I have had to fight for so long to have a doctor actually look past the fact that I’m fat to see that my pain and many other symptoms are not because I’m fat. So 2 years ago a doctor finally decided to run blood tests and finally they saw that I wasn’t faking, ever since then a lot of issues just go wrong.  I have doctors who are mad at me because I refuse treatment to try to have a baby and tell me to just call them up when I am ready to start getting better again. But I’m dealing with it, yes I have horrible pain everyday and fatigue, but I manage. But now I am freaking out along with my husband because we had a few people tell us that we really should get the breast lumps checked for cancer before we start IVF again because the of estrogen shot or something like that can make it grow faster. I am already scheduled for a mammogram in Dec since I now have to have a mammogram twice a year. I thinking about just asking them to biopsy the damn lumps already so maybe I can have some peace of mind. I don’t know why they haven’t already done so since the lumps  have grown and the breast density has changed. You know the sad thing is all I can think of if it is cancer is we have already spent $4,000 of IVF meds that will expire way before we will be able to use them! plus I feel like unless we adopt we wouldn’t be able to have a baby.

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