Overwhelmed…

I am so overwhelmed right now, we are still trying to gather up all the meds for our next ivf cycle. The last check this month we will be getting another follistim 🙂 then nothing till last check in Nov… So I am dealing with my depression with doesn’t look like it will be letting up anytime soon, It is like everything hit me all at once again, My traumatic past, my miscarriages, new health problems and that my only ivf cycle was canceled.  I feel like I let my husband down once again.  Like everything I did  (getting my A1C down to a 5.6 and losing 50lbs) was for nothing ( I know it wasn’t though).  Then I have the Fibromyalgia and Seronegative Rheumatoid Arthritis which leads to a whole lot of extreme pain in different areas in my body day-to-day, with extreme fatigue and flu-like symptoms. It’s like you are coming down with the flu everyday but you never get the flu so never get over the flu… Then the last health problem for me is 2 years ago I had a tiny abnormal lump found in my left breast did an ultrasound and talked to a specialist who said he thought I had a 99.8% chance of it not being cancer, So I went along with it a year later a doctor decided to get a mammogram done on it and once again they said it’s probably not cancer so lets wait and see if it grows. So we moved and got set up with new doctors and had another mammogram done now that tiny lump is not tiny anymore (not huge either but big enough now that I can really feel it plus the results showed that it grew plus another abnormal lump in my right breast plus the density of both has changed…. they said we still think it’s probably not cancer but now we want to have you to do 2 mammograms a year instead of the normal once a year. by the way I’m only 31 dammit! I tried talking to a few about it, who in the end told me to not worry, because it’s normal “every woman goes through this”.  Every woman does have to get mammograms after the age 40, 1 time a year yes and a lot of women find a lump at least once in a life time most of which are NOT abnormal. I can’t get my mind off of it recently and my next mammogram isn’t till Dec. 😦  My father in law also came home from the hospital a few weeks ago after having his leg below the knee removed due to a really bad infection.  So it hurts to see him have to go through all the PT and home nurse visits though he is doing so much better now though.  Jason has entered the  holiday season at his job which means I never see him any more. I just really do feel so overwhelmed with everything.  Sorry this post is all negative hope everyone else has a wonderful day.

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