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Posts Tagged ‘Birth control’

I fell into a deep dark depression. One where there was no hope and no way out. I couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that I have lost 9 babies… 9 precious babies.  Babies that I long to hold, to kiss, to tell them how much mommy wanted them and how much mommy loves them. to say it’s not fair is a understatement. It took me a couple of months but I threw myself into my church. I wanted answers to which I received none, but learned instead that God loves me and He loves my babies and they are with him and he will hug and kiss them until mommy is called home.  hubby and I discussed doing IVF again, hubby wanted to I didn’t. I got so mad at him, I felt like he didn’t even care that we just lost 3 babies in March,  that he doesn’t care what IVF itself does to me. I finally sat him down and told him how I felt,  I told him that it’s not right that he doesn’t even look at what I have to go through which is, a month before we start IVF I have to get off of my fibromyalgia medications and my seronegative rheumatoid arthritis medications, to which I go through withdrawal for a few weeks which is severely painful and I have no energy to even get out of bed. Being off my meds period I hurt so badly that it feels like torture. I then have to go on a extremely high dose of birth control due to my body doesn’t react the way it should, in fact it reacts like a 45-50 year woman’s body instead of a 32 year olds. the birth control makes me extremely paranoid sometimes to the point where I feel like my husband is trying to kill me. then I comes off of that and start taking the max doses of menopur and  Follistim which is painful and makes me very teary to everything.  then of course there the retrieval which is extremely painful which is made worse due to my chronic pain conditions, and then the transfer where I freak out for 2 weeks I walk on eggshells trying not to do anything that would make them not stick or have another miscarriage, not to mention I am now having to take a PIO shot in my hip which is one of my most severe triggers for my fibro. If it sticks and we are pregnant then I get to add a blood thinner shot in my stomach to help prevent me miscarrying,  which is the third most painful shot I have ever had, I have to take both shots until I am 3 months….

he says he understands but he feels like we don’t have time to put IVF off because my body acts way older then it should. I understand that but I just want to see him actually care about what I have to go through.

anyway, we are starting up IVF in August, so when I receive my period in august I stop all meds and start the high dose birth control.  I hope everyone is having a wonderful day.

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Received in my 5 days worth of Ganirelix this morning! Looking forward to stopping this high dose of birth control on the 27th too! then its just cross our fingers and say a prayer that my body will start another cycle before the 31st otherwise we have to travel to Dallas on the 31st 😦 that would suck with all the crazy driving there. So no more headache and not really feeling so angry any more but it’s like the slightest little thing sets me off emotionally, whether it be happy or crying or angry.  I have also started noticing that anything about kids lately gets me so upset, like a good friend of ours went to our Christmas banquet and I didn’t know he was bringing his 2 small kids (2 1/2 and 6) I had to stay in the bedroom for 15 mins trying to pull myself together because the baby’s laughter kept me crying.  It’s not the kids fault just like I know it’s not my ether for getting upset but it makes me feel bad cause the kids don’t understand why I pull away and not get to close when all they want to do is play. maybe it is just the birth control and that I have a miscarriage anniversary  on Christmas Eve which we are having a party that night maybe it will take my mind off it, and a miscarriage anniversary on the 31st/1st which to me is the one that hurts most since this one I was a few days or so shy of 9 week and was told that it had a heartbeat (ectopic). I would hate to think that I have lost some control, I  mean it always hurts anytime I am around kids of all ages but I typically am still able to be around them and not cry. Hope everyone is doing good.

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I swear I feel like a ticking time bomb on this high dose birth control pill! All day so far I feel like I am on the edge of pissed off 😦 I hate it. other then that I have a major headache ever since I started taking this pill. Ugh.. come on Dec 27th I want to stop taking this one all ready, I know the menopur and follistim make me teary but I would rather be teary then pissed off for no reason what so ever.

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Well I had my mammogram and ultrasound today and the doctor said that my lumps had not changed in size (just have to check it once a year) and starting IVF again should not be a problem at all!!!! So hubby and I called our ivf clinic up to get everything started Dec 1st since the last of the meds we needed we are buying tomorrow! We are so excited to get this going again so for now we are waiting a call back from the IVF nurse to find out when we need to start taking the birth control again.  I believe in would put the transfer in Feb which works out great for us since hubby’s job says no PTO till Feb due to holidays. Hope everyone is having a wonderful day!

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