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Posts Tagged ‘Addictions’

First day with my  decreased dose of lupron, doesn’t even sting anymore.  my big problem today is I just can’t stop crying! I have no idea as of why though, some are happy tears others are sad the rest I think are confused themselves as to why they shed. I know I am having a really hard time with my husband being away from me, but as of 1:10 pm tomorrow he will be back in my arms safe and sound. I know the entire IVF process is emotional I’m just annoyed with the overabundance of it.  Right now a lot of it I  feel is from the stupid nurse practitioner droning on and on about how painful the pregnancy is going to be, and as of lately (could be hormones) I just have a feeling like I don’t have many people who feel like I’m strong enough to go through this process and be a mother. It’s all I ever wanted to be! ever since I was 10  years old, I wanted a big family. I worked so hard and did everything the doctors told me to do; lose weight, stop smoking cigarettes, it took me a long time to do so but I did it. I smoked 3 packs a day for 9 years.  this november 19th will be 6 years free of smoking. the losing the weight well that’s the tough part for me, I would lose 30lbs then become pregnant then miscarry then gain it back, and repeat process 3 more times (4 miscarriages). my last two babies (2 ectopic pregnancies) were the worst since they were the farthest along. one of which even had a heartbeat. I gained the 30 back plus another 30. I was also going through figuring out why I had such horrible pain everywhere (ended up being fibromyalgia/seronegative RA) it took 10 years to finally get a diagnoses and to have people stop looking at me like a was just trying to get attention. Well I’m done with the feeling sorry (hopefully) I  am feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.  sorry for the random venting…

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