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Archive for the ‘Seronegative rheumatoid arthritis’ Category

I am so overwhelmed right now, we are still trying to gather up all the meds for our next ivf cycle. The last check this month we will be getting another follistim 🙂 then nothing till last check in Nov… So I am dealing with my depression with doesn’t look like it will be letting up anytime soon, It is like everything hit me all at once again, My traumatic past, my miscarriages, new health problems and that my only ivf cycle was canceled.  I feel like I let my husband down once again.  Like everything I did  (getting my A1C down to a 5.6 and losing 50lbs) was for nothing ( I know it wasn’t though).  Then I have the Fibromyalgia and Seronegative Rheumatoid Arthritis which leads to a whole lot of extreme pain in different areas in my body day-to-day, with extreme fatigue and flu-like symptoms. It’s like you are coming down with the flu everyday but you never get the flu so never get over the flu… Then the last health problem for me is 2 years ago I had a tiny abnormal lump found in my left breast did an ultrasound and talked to a specialist who said he thought I had a 99.8% chance of it not being cancer, So I went along with it a year later a doctor decided to get a mammogram done on it and once again they said it’s probably not cancer so lets wait and see if it grows. So we moved and got set up with new doctors and had another mammogram done now that tiny lump is not tiny anymore (not huge either but big enough now that I can really feel it plus the results showed that it grew plus another abnormal lump in my right breast plus the density of both has changed…. they said we still think it’s probably not cancer but now we want to have you to do 2 mammograms a year instead of the normal once a year. by the way I’m only 31 dammit! I tried talking to a few about it, who in the end told me to not worry, because it’s normal “every woman goes through this”.  Every woman does have to get mammograms after the age 40, 1 time a year yes and a lot of women find a lump at least once in a life time most of which are NOT abnormal. I can’t get my mind off of it recently and my next mammogram isn’t till Dec. 😦  My father in law also came home from the hospital a few weeks ago after having his leg below the knee removed due to a really bad infection.  So it hurts to see him have to go through all the PT and home nurse visits though he is doing so much better now though.  Jason has entered the  holiday season at his job which means I never see him any more. I just really do feel so overwhelmed with everything.  Sorry this post is all negative hope everyone else has a wonderful day.

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It’s taking longer then I thought to really get up out of bed and get stuff done.  The last two days I made myself get up and get the laundry done and pick up the house etc… My husband and I finally started our walks again 2 days ago, only doing 3 miles so far though.  I have to work my way back up to the 5 miles plus the step ups plus the swimming which I can’t do anymore the water is to cold 😦  so I thought I would see if I can get a cardio workout dvd to replace the swimming.  I’m down 2lbs which is good  but its going slowly… I talked to my rheumy doctor and they will not allow me to get back on my fibromyalgia and seronegative RH pills :/    he said I have to be off all pills for 3 months before doing IVF  so there is no sense in getting back on the pills. at least with the hormone injections it curved the pain and fatigue enough i could get up and done stuff around the house.

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First day with my  decreased dose of lupron, doesn’t even sting anymore.  my big problem today is I just can’t stop crying! I have no idea as of why though, some are happy tears others are sad the rest I think are confused themselves as to why they shed. I know I am having a really hard time with my husband being away from me, but as of 1:10 pm tomorrow he will be back in my arms safe and sound. I know the entire IVF process is emotional I’m just annoyed with the overabundance of it.  Right now a lot of it I  feel is from the stupid nurse practitioner droning on and on about how painful the pregnancy is going to be, and as of lately (could be hormones) I just have a feeling like I don’t have many people who feel like I’m strong enough to go through this process and be a mother. It’s all I ever wanted to be! ever since I was 10  years old, I wanted a big family. I worked so hard and did everything the doctors told me to do; lose weight, stop smoking cigarettes, it took me a long time to do so but I did it. I smoked 3 packs a day for 9 years.  this november 19th will be 6 years free of smoking. the losing the weight well that’s the tough part for me, I would lose 30lbs then become pregnant then miscarry then gain it back, and repeat process 3 more times (4 miscarriages). my last two babies (2 ectopic pregnancies) were the worst since they were the farthest along. one of which even had a heartbeat. I gained the 30 back plus another 30. I was also going through figuring out why I had such horrible pain everywhere (ended up being fibromyalgia/seronegative RA) it took 10 years to finally get a diagnoses and to have people stop looking at me like a was just trying to get attention. Well I’m done with the feeling sorry (hopefully) I  am feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.  sorry for the random venting…

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SO this morning’s rheumy appointment I was told that I will be in really bad pain through out the whole pregnancy and there’s nothing that anyone can do about it. Then he told me that I had some labs come back saying that I have a 90% chance of having Seronegative rheumatoid arthritis then proceeded in telling me how much I will hurt from it and the fibromyalgia for the rest of my life, and kept repeating it because they felt like I wasn’t taking it serious… yeah right hello I was letting it sink all in and was trying not to let it get me down to much.  then I had another appointment later that afternoon  and received yet another bad diagnoses but was told that it will take a long while and will take a lot of work but I could get better in the end. then received a phone call from the ivf clinic saying the people who did my ultrasound and blood test faxed over the wrong paper instead of results which means I wont get those till monday.  so to leave it on a better note  yesterday while I was getting my MRI  done  Jason got a call from the retirement fund and was told they looked it over again and decided that they were wrong and decided to give us the full amount we asked for which means now I have the money to freeze the extra (if any) eggs and if case the menopour or the follistim gets upped I have the money to do both plus the gas back and forth, hotel, food, ect…! I feel like I could breathe again till today and will again hopefully tomorrow. for now I am frustrated, angry, and so very sad. 

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