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Archive for the ‘bullies’ Category

I have learned a very valuable lesson today. When someone degrades and belittles me it’s not me that is worthless, unimportant, and doesn’t deserve to be loved. Their words are reflecting how they really feel about themselves which is really quite sad and I pray that one day they will be able to take a good hard look at themself and learn to fix their own soul instead of lashing out because it’s broken. It’s a very hard process and sometimes quite scary to look within and admit your broken. It took me most of my life to take that advice and look at myself, I had to hit my bottom before I finally realized it wasn’t everyone else that was the problem.  My marriage was on its last leg about 5 years ago and I had hit a wall and instead of trying to figure out how to get around this wall I just kept running straight into the wall and let me tell you it hurt! I was so depressed and I just wanted it to end I saw no way out so I somehow made it okay to take it out on my husband, and Jason the great guy he is, took it for years and stayed with me thinking I will wake up eventually, and I did.  It took until I lost my last baby and my last tube to wake me up, why then and not anything else I don’t know.  I started out with teaching myself though I had a very hard and traumatic life that not everyone is out to get me which means it’s not right to treat everyone like they were/are my abusers. Once I had that lesson down  other lessons were learned easily, but todays lesson is one I have struggled with for all my life. It’s so hard for me to see that I have worth and am someone who deserves to be loved even though I have flaws and make mistakes it doesn’t take away my worth it’s who GOD made me to be flaws and all.   I pray that these people who take out their broken souls on everyone else will take my advice or at least seek some help and just know it is worth it in the end,  though I’m sure I will be learning lessons till the day I die,  no one wants to face their flaws but you have to go through the darkness to appreciate the light.

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