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Archive for August, 2012

Picking up hubby today!!

I’m fixing to go get ready to leave to pick up Jason!  He just called to say he landed safe and sound in Dallas which means i have to leave in about 20 mins, i have about a hour drive to get to the airport. Hope everyone is doing good today!!

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To cheer me up my hubby had them put this over all the big screens at his gamestop conference lol sweetest man i have ever known! I  can’t wait to see him tomorrow!!

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First day with my  decreased dose of lupron, doesn’t even sting anymore.  my big problem today is I just can’t stop crying! I have no idea as of why though, some are happy tears others are sad the rest I think are confused themselves as to why they shed. I know I am having a really hard time with my husband being away from me, but as of 1:10 pm tomorrow he will be back in my arms safe and sound. I know the entire IVF process is emotional I’m just annoyed with the overabundance of it.  Right now a lot of it I  feel is from the stupid nurse practitioner droning on and on about how painful the pregnancy is going to be, and as of lately (could be hormones) I just have a feeling like I don’t have many people who feel like I’m strong enough to go through this process and be a mother. It’s all I ever wanted to be! ever since I was 10  years old, I wanted a big family. I worked so hard and did everything the doctors told me to do; lose weight, stop smoking cigarettes, it took me a long time to do so but I did it. I smoked 3 packs a day for 9 years.  this november 19th will be 6 years free of smoking. the losing the weight well that’s the tough part for me, I would lose 30lbs then become pregnant then miscarry then gain it back, and repeat process 3 more times (4 miscarriages). my last two babies (2 ectopic pregnancies) were the worst since they were the farthest along. one of which even had a heartbeat. I gained the 30 back plus another 30. I was also going through figuring out why I had such horrible pain everywhere (ended up being fibromyalgia/seronegative RA) it took 10 years to finally get a diagnoses and to have people stop looking at me like a was just trying to get attention. Well I’m done with the feeling sorry (hopefully) I  am feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.  sorry for the random venting…

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Lupron injection

so I finally got my call back from the nurse and i get to lower my lupron injection from 10 units to 5 units! she said ultrasound looked very good and looks like i will start taking the menopur and follistim injections sept 9th! 🙂

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my new doctor

such a long day! doctor appt went good though. they will be able to do my labs yay! i wont have to drive 5 hours every other day! but he wants to run lots of test to try to find out why we miscarried in the first place so it started with giving 16 vials of blood today! he’s looking for a clotting disorder and about 10-15 other things to try to prevent us from miscarring if the ivf works in our favor. the front desk woman at his office just had ivf done in march and is now 6 months this is her 2 child her first one being ivf too. i’m so happy about that! it’s nice to know they have an understanding!

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I have to run my father-in-law up to the doctor this morning he’s ok just routine. but he’s appt is at 10:10 and this new OB-GYN was able to get me in today also at 11:45 now his doctor is typically pretty good time wise so we will see other  wise I will have to leave in the middle of the appt  to go to mine and then head back to him. My IVF nurse called me last night telling me my old OB-GYN still hadn’t faxed the ultrasound results! she is going to try them again this morning to see if she can get the results yet again. she did get the blood results I forgot what she called it but she said they like to see it at 68 and my is at 70 so not bad but she can’t tell me if I can decrease dose till she has the ultrasound. so I’m switching OB-GYN this was a last straw for me. even before I started the IVF it was like pulling teeth to get anything done or get any results. and they still didn’t call with abnormal results.  I had to go get another mammogram in june this year cause in june 2011 they found an abnormal lump in left.  So they sent me down and the breast center I went to was the person to call me to tell me that I now have an abnormal lump in both and the breast density has change from  cat. 1 to cat 2. when I called the ob-gyn they said no everything looks normal?!?! I then asked  why is it i have to get 2 mammograms a year now when most women have to get 1 a year, she tells me she doesn’t know and everything is normal… as of right now they are deeming it not cancer but I now have to up my mammograms to 2 times a years just in case. so now I’m switching and praying this one is much better and more caring. I miss my Corpus Christi OB 😦 he was great!  😦  so this new one says they will be able to run my same day labs with no problems and have worked with my IVF doctor before! that will be so great if they can I wont have to drive 5 hours every other day.  but if my nurse doesn’t get the  results this morning I will have to go in and try to get them in person so that I can do their jobs for them.  just 2 more days and hubby gets home and I wont have to deal with all this on my own any more.

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Missing my hubby :(

it’s so weird, when my husband gives me the lupron injection it doesn’t hurt it stings for like 5 seconds but doesn’t hurt. For the last 2 days I gave me the injection since he is out of town and both of them hurt really bad.  oh well I just have till thursday and he will be back.  so I’m waiting on the ivf clinic to give me a call to see if I decrease the lupron to 5 units instead of 10, and I’m waiting on a new obgyn to give me a call back to see if they can work me in because they can do same day labs before 4pm  just what the ivf clinic needs and I wont have to drive 5 hours every other day. I pray that can fit me in but I am prepared to do what I have to do if they can’t.  I slept so horrible last night.. I always do when Jason isn’t here. He  is ready to come home already lol he says he just misses me like crazy and is just not interested in this years conference, I think it’s because it’s not Vegas this year lol. Well that and probably stabbing me with needles every morning.

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Blah Sunday

Took hubby to airport at 4am this morning 😦 I hate being without him but he will be back thursday afternoon. I had to give myself the injection today I got to use to him doing it though it was easy since it isn’t the one you have to mix up. so instead of just sulking cause my baby isn’t here I took my dog, stormy, to the dog park for a few hours and walked about 3 miles. she loves it there she has 7 acres to run around and play with other dogs there are doggy water fountains and fire hydrants all over the place lol . she is 8 years old, she’s half lab and half blue heeler. she is one of the sweetest dogs I have ever owned. not to mention a big time daddy’s girl 😦  now I guess I will do some cleaning and wait for my baby’s call.

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Such A Lazy Saturday…

I just can’t seem to get myself motivated to get up and do anything today. Jason gets off at 4pm today then we have to get him all packed up and ready to go. I can’t believe it’s that time of year again, this year just seems to be going by so fast.  I also can’t believe that we have to get up at 4am 😦 oh well it’s just one day and he will be back on the 30th and back to normal routine. he’s planing on taking a vacation the third week of september since that is when we are supposed to do the gathering and transfer. it’s so cute to hear him talk about the transfer and then he wants to take leave when the baby is born. I love him so much and am going to miss him like crazy.

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SO this morning’s rheumy appointment I was told that I will be in really bad pain through out the whole pregnancy and there’s nothing that anyone can do about it. Then he told me that I had some labs come back saying that I have a 90% chance of having Seronegative rheumatoid arthritis then proceeded in telling me how much I will hurt from it and the fibromyalgia for the rest of my life, and kept repeating it because they felt like I wasn’t taking it serious… yeah right hello I was letting it sink all in and was trying not to let it get me down to much.  then I had another appointment later that afternoon  and received yet another bad diagnoses but was told that it will take a long while and will take a lot of work but I could get better in the end. then received a phone call from the ivf clinic saying the people who did my ultrasound and blood test faxed over the wrong paper instead of results which means I wont get those till monday.  so to leave it on a better note  yesterday while I was getting my MRI  done  Jason got a call from the retirement fund and was told they looked it over again and decided that they were wrong and decided to give us the full amount we asked for which means now I have the money to freeze the extra (if any) eggs and if case the menopour or the follistim gets upped I have the money to do both plus the gas back and forth, hotel, food, ect…! I feel like I could breathe again till today and will again hopefully tomorrow. for now I am frustrated, angry, and so very sad. 

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