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Archive for July, 2012

My body is just taking it’s time, tomorrow if the cycle does not fully start we have to call them up and I guess do another 5 days worth of that hormone pill again, although I don’t think that will be the case, starting to really hurt in my stomach and having spots so hopefully tomm will be the day. If it is though that also means that I would end up doing all my labs on Aug 1st… Our 11th anniversary… oh well Jason has to work that day anyway and we were already pushing off celebrating it till the 3rd or so. which may be pushed back because the 5 or 6th day of the cycle we have to head up to Dallas to get a sonohysterogram done then I believe we wont have to head up there for another week or so but it also means i will be starting the hormone shots..

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Bad News….

So here we are 4 days after I finished the first med and we are still waiting on my cycle to start so we can get this IVF started. Yesterday the IVF doctor called me to give me my results, So everything but 1 result came back normal. Our bad news is my anti-mullerian hormone or AMH for short came back at <0.16 wich is really low  <0.3 is the start of the really low… so what they are telling me though is i still have a chance not nearly the chance i thought i had at all but still a chance none the less. yesterday was a very bad day after i was told this. but i can’t just sit there and give up this is a dream of Jason and I for 11 years now. they said we will have to attack this aggressively and do everything in their power to help us have a baby of our own.  In the mean time I’m not going to just sit around and un do all of my hard work. in 90 days I took my A1C from a 7.0 to a 5.8 I have lost 32 pounds also in those 90 days, and all of my labs are back to normal.  So today I got up and went for my walk and tried to just hold my head up and know that Im going to be ok no matter what because GOD has me.

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tonight is my last pill of medroxyprogesterone! It actually got easier the last few days since the cymbalta withdrawl and finally subsided thank GOD! I still notice that i’m just a tiny bit more emotional BUT nothing like whats to come later LOL. We are still waiting on my body to start it’s cycle :/ but it wont hurt it to be pushed off for just a few more days because we are seeing  that we could run into a major schedule conflit with Jason’s work and the only other appointment that he has to be at no if’s and’s or but’s about it. we will see though, my fibromyalgia pain is starting to get worse again but nothing yet that i can’t handle. i’m more tired now and i have to fight with my body to get it to get up and go for my 5 1/4 mile walk. I’m now down to 204.0 so just 5 more pounds till one-derland, i’m hope to get down to either low 180’s or high 170’s before i’m pregnant and hopfully they will tell me that i can still go swimming and walking to at least try to not gain to much through the pregnancy.  so for now we are just in the waiting game till day 3 of my cycle then it gets interesting 🙂

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Day 2 of IVF Meds

I am having such a hard time already. I think a large part of this is due to Cymbalta withdrawl and the  first pill i have to take to start the IVF process, which messes with my hormone levels a little bit nothing like whats to come though. so today I am snapping at everyone which I am sorry for and even though its hard to believe I am trying to control it. and a TON of crying and feeling stressed out and all alone. I am frustrated with Jason’s work shcedule only because it is going to intefer with the IVF appointments and I can not go to the appointment alone not cause of me but they tell you I have to have someone with me at every appointment.  with only one car at the moment, my father in laws car is broken, it just makes it even harder. once the IVF portion is done with i go back to my regular OB which will be much better because I wont be driving to Dallas or Frisco anymore and spending every dime we have do so. I really hate this part of it and please I really hope no one takes that the wrong way I have wanted to be a mother for so long now, I want to be able to hold my child and love my child in person. I just hate how I get with the hormones…

Now to go limp my 5 1/4 mile walk with my cane hopefully i will be back home before dark.

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Our First IVF APPT…

Well we just got back home from our appt, let me just jump right into it…..

The doctor (Dr. Goldstein) Was really nice and professional plus he has the highest success rate when it comes to IVF. Jason and I have a 65% chance of this procedure working since I am over 30 years old it has drop a little bit but that’s ok we knew that there is always a chance of it not working. I have to stop all of my vitamins and start taking prenatal vitamins right away, I also have to stop all of my meds besides my sugar pill and my heart pill, which is ok also I knew I would have to stop my fibromyalgia pills all this means is yes I will be in alot of pain and will be really tired and that’s just the base of it but I just have to stick it out and make my will power stronger to keep up my workouts and just push through the fibro. They did a ultrasound and he said everything looks real good and we shouldn’t have a problem carrying, then took 8 big vials of blood to make sure that I don’t have anything that could harm the baby or babies. He told me with my age they will transfer 2 eggs and said its 65% chance of single baby 40% chance of twins and so on. Now the fun part…. They make you wait till you start your cycle but once you do it takes off and I will be constantly going to dallas and frisco. day 3 of the cycle I go have labs done to see how well my body ovulates and so on, day 6-7 I head back to dallas to pick up the oh so much fun injections that are rumored to be very painful so I will probably be emotional lol the injections last for 10 -13 days i think then off to frisco for a mock transfer to see how my body will handle it then i think a week later (real schedule gets laid out on day 6-7) for the gathering of eggs and then 3-5 days later we head to frisco to get PREGNANT!! lol but we then still have to wait 2 weeks after to take a pregnancy test to make sure it took. the dr said once my cycle starts it only takes 6 weeks till transfer. 🙂  if the pregnancy test says it took then I go back to my regular OBGYN. so far far everything is looking really good.

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Such a long day…

We had to run everywhere today, well it seemed like it at the time. We made sure that the car was nice and clean and safe not just for this trip but the Corpus, Louisiana, and then San Antonio trips that are coming up this month and next, not to mention we will not know for sure just how often we will have to travel to Dallas for the IVF.  So we finished with the car came home to finish gathering the paperwork, medication list, insurance, ID’s, and my medical files, then we jotted down some questions and concerns so we wouldn’t forget to ask them while there, while doing all of this I felt fine and excited, went for my 5 1/4 mile walk Jason decided to come with and still felt fine…. by the way while on the walk we came across this amazing guy also walking the trail who was handicapped (he had a bad leg) but he was walking with his head up and smiling and when he got to us he told us that we were looking good and to keep up the great work, that really just touched my heart and pushed aside my fibromyalgia woes and really just motivated me to stay strong and finish hard….  so I was getting ready for bed when I just had to stop and I started crying,  It felt like fear and hurt just crept up out of no where, I know theres plenty to be afraid of and losing 6 babies trust me that’s alot of hurt. I just don’t know what happen to trigger it, I know that God has a plan and that either way he is there for me.  I just pray that it will end happily this time, I just don’t know if I can go through another major loss like that.

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Just 2 more days..

Well I barely got any sleep last night, I can’t keep my mind off of this Tuesday’s appointment and all these emotions that are coming up with it. So when I finally gave up trying to sleep this morning instead of dwelling on it I went for my 5 1/4 mile walk early today. I still have my 30 mins of step ups that i need to do which I will probably will do after I finish this. I love my walks though, Its so peaceful and it gives me time to really get to know myself and learn to like myself. I’m still 2 pounds shy of a 50 pound loss again but I inch closer every day, I don’t allow myself to just give up because I only loss .2 pounds I take it as a win as long as I lost something it’s a win. If i don’t lose anything i don’t fret over it I tell myself it’s ok my body will catch up tomorrow which it typically does. If by chance I do gain I make my self analyze not harshly but to just figure out where I went wrong and why. I think that is my biggest question, WHY, I have learned that I eat my emotions instead of expressing them to my family and friends. I always try so hard to not cause any conflict but I have noticed that in doing that It hurts me instead not mention I feel so fake since I don’t speak my mind even a little bit, so it’s something that I am working on. I have such butterfly’s with this appointment… I know that it will be ok but I can’t help but fear for the worse. I’m afraid of what another loss will do to Jason and me, we have gone through so much that I can’t help but wonder if this would be the last straw… I know we are so good together though and he’s such a good man with a huge heart. I know he will be a amazing father, but what about me.. I worry about whether or not I will be a good mom. I strive to be a good person, someone that God can look upon and feel proud of his creation. But I have lost 6 babies so far and both of my tubes is that a sign? Or maybe just another mountain to climb?

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About Me!

I’m Jessica! I’m 31 years old and I am married to a wonderful man (Jason) for 11 years this August 1st (2012). We have been pregnant 6 times and have loss all 6, the last 2 being ectopic and took both my tubes. So Our only option to have a baby is  In Vitro Fertilization or IVF for short. We have already had a few appointments this year to get the process rolling along, so far my wonderful doctors have told me I needed to lose 10% of my body weight and to get my diabetes under control. So I have lost over 10% of my body weight so far 🙂 and everytime I check my sugar level It is in the normal range. I started walking 3 miles a day but I have recently upped my exercise to 5 1/4 mile along with 30 mins or step ups a day and I follow a low sugar 1200 calorie diet. Image

The picture on the left is me at my heaviest 257 and the right was last week at 210, I’m at 208 today Its a slow process when having fibromyalgia and you hurt everywhere and have no energy but I know it is necessary for the weight to come off so I can be healthy so baby can be healthy. So I have also gotten the pre approval from the insurance company and had the pre screening tests done and the only thing that may slow the process is the fibromalgia and sinus tachycardia (rapid heart rate) both of which I take medications for. I will have to slowly come off all my pills and start taking the fertility shots (Ouch) I think it will all be worth the pain for the chance to have a baby. Our next IVF appointment is July 17th, I’m hoping to have a 50lb loss by then and I pray that it goes smooth and hopfully painless with good news from doctor!

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